cogecacacopter dia del innocentes

Barcelona city council has today announced that it is to invest heavily in a fleet of 281,220 drone helicopters that are equipped with poo detection software. The cleanacrapacopters will become a common site on the streets and in the parks of Barcelona.

The poo detection software alerts the nearest drone to a potential parcel. They have been programmed to look for dogs, randomly putting their noses to the floor and rushing in circles, putting all four legs together while raising a tail and other common pre-discharge activities.

As soon as the done detects a freshly laid dog-egg, the drone will swoop and, with grab claws, collect the offending item and take it off to burn at the city’s incineration power station. “This will, in a strange way, contribute to keeping the lights on in Barcelona and help hit environmental targets using this renewable fuel source.” Said Imma Cente-Dias, Barcelona’s head of poo management.

It is claimed that the new system will be 98% effective in the fight, but at Princeps de Casa, we want to know who pays for it?

Imma Cente-Dias explains that the council is proposing a new crap tax. “We know that the majority of dog owners are responsible and clear up after their pets, but there is still a massive problem with fouling pavements and walkways as some irresponsible owners fail to collect. Introducing a tax for every dog owner to pay, means that every poo will now be collected and it’s only the dog owners who pay. Owners will be told that it will no longer be mandatory to collect poo so the money they save on plastic bags will cover the cost of the new taxes.

Starting from from April 1st 2021, the new, impuesta de mierda, crap tax will be charged to every dog owner to cover the cost of picking up dog poo using the following scale:

Small dogs25€ per month
Medium sized dogs15€ per month
Large dogs10€ per month
Extra large dogs5€ per month

The charges, Imma Cente-Dias says represent the ease with which the Cleanacrapacopter can a) identify the target and b) collect it. “In trials, we found that our Cleanacrapacopter was able to pick up the larger poos which much greater ease.”

It’s not all bad news though because at the same time the council is rolling out it’s new tax, it will also launch a new app: The Indentificleanacrapacopter.

This app will cost 10€ and will be available to download from Googleplayand Apple istore. “Dog owners and non-dog owners alike can use this app,” explains Imma Cente-Dias. “We believe it is a great new facility. If your dog drops one on the pavement, you can report it via geo-localisation on the app and this will alert the nearest drone. We believe that with the number of drones we have the offending item won’t be lying unattended for more than a few seconds. Dog owners get a rebate on each poo they log and non-dog owners will get a discount on their local taxes. It’s a win for everyone.”

Here is a video showing how the new app could work:

2020 has been a crap year, it is hoped that 2021 will be better for all.

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